Hot or Not?: The First Disclaimer for Complainers

Disclaimer NO. 1: I know Jesus, if he existed, didn't look like the pictures in my postings. I was taught that any picture of Jesus was pure fiction and should be ignored (see Dec. 2 post). The historical Jesus was probably a far cry from blonde and blue-eyed. Color of skin could have depended entirely on genetics or how often he bathed or whether he wore sunscreen. Point being, it doesn't matter. Jesus by Leroy Campbell
We were instructed that Jesus was probably a pretty ugly dude. Prophecy suggests this. Allow me:

For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot
And like a root out of parched ground;
He has no stately form or majesty
That we should look upon Him,
Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him.
He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
And like one from whom men hide their face,
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
Isaiah 53:2-3 (NAS)

Makes sense that artists started slapping a beard on him. A beard hides all flaws.* In fact, if you look back to the earliest depictions of him, he was beardless. What do we know? He was living under Roman occupation. It was okay to not have a beard.

Another thing fundies of all shades will point out, is that if anyone were to actually look like the pictures posted here, it probably would be the Devil or the Antichrist. Both of these bad boyz are described as beautiful... attractive. The argument goes, that the Devil is very good at disguise and will probably show up looking like a mouth-watering male model.

Ladies, consider yourself warned!

Here's the problem with all this quoting of prophetic scripture. You have to believe in the accuracy of prophecy provided hundreds of years before Jesus' life. Though I'm very aware that christians and jews and muslims and atheists all have visions, and that we're all psychic, I don't believe that the prophecies spoken here have much of anything to do with Jesus.

Once you don't Believe, the prophecies, whether drug-induced, meditation-induced, or schizo/dementia-induced, lose their relevance.

However, they make some darn good lyrics for Handel's "Messiah".

So, it comes down to this: We don't know what Jesus looked like. And to be honest, I Don't Care!

I'm having a hell of a good time finding lust-worthy pictures of JC.

Back in the days when christianity was up against legions of "heathen" communities, they were a little more dependent on pretty pictures. Handsome Jesus-god paintings were one way to get the attention of the ladies who had to give up lusting for their virtual Hottie Pagan-gods and real-world Men. And once you've got the sexually suppressed women on your side, that's over half the battle.

*BTW, there's nothing wrong with a beard on a guy. I live in Minnesota, for god's sake. Thor country. I hear beards are a good form of insulation. They usually look pretty cute.