As an evangelical fundamentalist christian, I gained exposure to all sorts of ways to approach a text. One of my favorites is the school of "Let the Bible fall open, point, and see what the Lord has to tell you."
So, I dug my trusty New American Standard Bible out of storage and scraped off 6 years of dust and mildew to see if this little game still works.
Behold the Word of the Lord: Luke Chapter 20, verse 1.
"And it came about on one of the days while He was teaching the people in the temple and preaching the gospel, that the chief priests and the scribes with the elders confronted Him, IN BED WITH A GOAT!!!
You may ask, and rightly so, what was Jesus doing in the temple... IN BED WITH A GOAT? It makes sense that he was confronted on the matter. Do you think the people who he was preaching and teaching to were appreciative of the distraction? Think of it: Jesus is distracting enough, but when you've got him preaching from a bed --with a goat by his side-- I can't imagine anyone was able to remember a word he said. I hope the chief priests and scribes cleared it right up.
What a magical text!
This is an invitation for all of you with good epilogues to fortune cookies to send them my way. With your permission, I will put them to good use.
By the way, is there any other spiritual text that this works with... other than anything written by Leonard Cohen or James Joyce?
And remember, boys and girls: JESUS ROCKS!
5 comments:
Well, I suppose you could throw open the phone book, point to a number, and then ask the person at the other end of the line how to get to achieve salvation.
Beware, you'll probably get a few hang ups...and maybe a few pizza deliveries...just give a fake address and everything should be fine.
BTW, you left Eastern Orthodox out of your list of "What xtian churches have you attended." Maybe I converted to Buddhism because more people recognize what Buddhism is than what Greek Orthodoxy is... "Orthodox? That's like a Catholic, right?"
phone book as spiritual text... with an infinite number of paths to salvation... I LOVE IT!... great idea.
Sorry about the eastern/greek orthodox ommission... quite a few left out for space reasons. Would love to know more about orthodox sects.
Now, I'm not condoning the fact that our lord and savior was playing hide the baklava with a hooved animal. However, some nights do indeed get cold and lonely. Even if you were sent to save the human race.
And I thought Jesus was Nazarean. Who knew that he was actually Greek? Thanks for the review on Blog Catalog. Great site you have. Cheers!!
This is awesome. Love your blog. What are you looking for? There are plenty of Bible Verses that would make great fortune cookies. Like umm...
Oh, how about this?
Your parents are gonna kill your rebellious ass!
Deuteronomy 21:18-21
Or how about this one?
Your whoredom will lead you to death. You should have stayed a virgin and you could have been a sex slave.
Numbers 31:17-18
I'm full of these if this is what your looking for.
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