I HAVE DECIDED TO FOLLOW @JESUS: A Guide to Recognizing The Real Deal on Twitter

In the fundamentalist circles, I was taught that the devil and his demons mislead Christians who have the best of intentions. The devil is deceptive. He’s the wolf in sheep’s clothing. He is the most beautiful of fallen angels. He is capable of leading us all down the wrong path. He props up false prophets who place roadblocks and detours throughout our faith journey.

In an effort to not be led down the wrong path, I am testing the Twitter spirits to decipher which Jesus on Twitter is the Real Deal, or biblically speaking, separating the wheat from the chaff, or culling the herd in less biblical language.

What are my criteria?

@Jesus was Jewish, so there must be some evidence of that.

@Jesus performed miracles, so I’m looking for a Jesus that performs subtle or large scale miracles never performed before. BEWARE! False prophets are quite adept at tapping into the tools of the devil and leading people astray with illusions and slights of hand. Test the Twitter spirit!

@Jesus loves me. He loves you too. How does he demonstrate his love on Twitter? We don’t want Jesus stalking us, after all we know he believes in free will, but we do want Jesus showing unconditional love (whatever that is). We’re looking for a little reciprocation here. Does he return your DMs or respond to your @ prayers? If not, best to cut your losses and move on to the next Jesus.

@Jesus wants to dwell in my heart. Has he knocked on my virtual door yet?

@Jesus has a thick martyr streak. Is he willing to be thrown under the bus for the redemption of humankind? What kind of controversial topics is he engaged in that may set him up for scapegoat status? Current topics on his Twitter account might include homosexuality, pro-life vs pro-choice, the middle east, taxes, separation of church and state, or your mom.

@Jesus was smart. Does Jesus post well worded, grammatically correct updates?

@Finally: Contrary to popular opinion and this blogger’s fantasy, Jesus was NOT that good looking. Does his avatar reflect this?

I test the spirits on Twitter to see what kind of response I get from the many Jesuses claiming to be Jesus. You should do the same.

Take a moment and search your heart:

What characteristics do you look for in the real Jesus? Are you a follower of Jesus who places importance on his ability to forgive all sins outside the sin against the Holy Spirit? Does your own personal Jesus stop you from doing stupid stuff, or does he let you get by with murder, only to forgive you later? Is your own personal Jesus more of a warrior, nerd, or a rebellious threat to the status quo? Does he help with the dishes or prefer that you sit at his feet and listen to his wisdom in a meditative state? Works or Grace?

For those of you already on Twitter, my starter kit of Jesuses for your browsing pleasure are listed below. Some of these Jesuses write blogs that allow for deeper study of his true intentions.

baconjesus
iphoneJesus
OfficialJesus
Jesus_M_Christ
kingofthejews
tweetus_christ
openjesus
JesusHChrist

There are other Jesus figures I follow on twitter, such as Jay Bakker, Gael Garcia Bernal and ThankYouJesus.

Each #Follow Friday I’ll introduce a new Jesus worthy of online worship on my teandoranges Twitter account. It's the one Twitter gimmick in which I participate.

Have I overlooked a gem of a Twitter Jesus? Let me know! After all, I don’t want to fall for the wrong god.

I Have Decided To Follow Jesus
“though none go with me, I still will follow
though none go with me, I still will follow
though none go with me, I still will follow
no turning back
no turning back”

Famous.Last.Words.